Thursday, June 19th, 2008...1:21 pm
#33: No Digestion Discussions, Ever
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If you want to avoid acting old, do not discuss your digestive tract in any way, ever, says my friend and fellow writer Christina Baker Kline. That means no talk of bran muffins or lactose intolerance, no references to regularity or heartburn, no jokes about gas or “tummy troubles.”
We all know it happens, but the world just doesn’t want to hear about the source of your upset tummy, okay? Quietly chew on your Tums and down your prophylactic Bean-O. Silently excuse yourself to go to the bathroom and afterwards, don’t regale us with tales of what happened there. Keep all burps, farts, gurgles, acid indigestion, and reflux episodes, as much as possible, to yourself.
Isn’t it interesting that the ones who don’t mind an unvarnished discussion of bodily functions when it comes to sex get all squeamish when it comes to discussing other bodily functions. I hope they at least talk to their doctors.
ooooooo my father in law, I not only learned all about his many digestive problems and how they should have killed him, but about the infection which somehow reversed his vasectomy and now he feels like a lion again! Of course he is bascially a hermit who lives alone in absurdly lavish glory in the middle of the mountains and smokes dope all day but still… I don’t know if this talk made him “old” or just nuts. Bless him.