Tuesday, June 1st, 2010...5:03 pm
#150: Wait, Go Ahead, Maybe You Should Act Even Older….
It’s been a long time since the HNTAO News merited two posts in one day, but I wanted to draw special attention to the new Gallup poll that claims happiness declines from the 20s to the early 50s, when it does a quick reverse and starts climbing again. From 50 on, according to the new study, almost everything gets better for everybody in every way.
Eighty-year-olds feel more satisfied with themselves than 18-year-olds, says the study of 340,000 people across the country. Worry and sadness peak around 50 and then taper off, while enjoyment is at its nadir when we’re in our early 50s before it begins to rise and keeps rising for at least 25 years.
What’s so bad about 50 compared with 75? Researchers don’t know. Neither gender, marital status, employment, or parenthood made any difference to the happiness levels; age seemed to be the only significant factor.
But I can hazard some guesses. By 50, not matter what you’ve been doing for the past two or three decades, you’re just freaking exhausted. Building a career, finding a spouse, maybe finding another spouse, having a couple of babies, getting a mortgage and renovating a kitchen, doing approximately 11,000 loads of laundry and preparing 24,000 meals, gaining 55 pounds and losing only 23 of them in five diets, planning 27 summer vacations that, 24 of those times, don’t really turn out to be very much fun — it takes a lot out of a person.
Plus, by 50, it’s pretty clear that a lot of those big dreams you had at 22 aren’t really going to work out. You are probably definitely never going to become a movie star or a drummer in a famous rock band, never going to make a million dollars a year or marry someone royal. You’ve had all the children you’re going to have and while they’re wonderful, they also have, you know, buck teeth or ADD or a nasty temper. And please, let’s not even talk about how your thighs look in a bathing suit.
And then — remember, just guessing now — you say: Fuck it. I’m still here. I like how I spend my days. I’ve got some good friends and I still have sex once in a while. And now I know: a glass of white wine, a piece of warm cherry pie, a funny sitcom and a bed with that soft pillow I really love — this is happiness. This is it, and it’s all mine.
To make the most of your next quarter century, check out The Happiness Project. And to make me even happier, go visit the denizens of Ho Springs.
Fantastic post — and I suspect your instincts are on the money. I’m 40 with a 3 year old kid, and I think I just might be getting a headstart on the FuckIt realization. Life’s too short and I have spent the past year downsizing and slowly extricating myself from the corporate law world. Still got tons of laundry and carpools ahead of me but am beginning to get my priorities straight and to let go of the notion that I can achieve all of my various dreams in a single lifetime if I “just worked a little harder.”. Maybe we can start making 40 the new 50!!
Wow….that just about sums it all up, doesn’t it!!!
I never realized that I had done so much laundry…
Oh how true. You wore me out with your look back at my past three decades!
thanks for the 50’s analysis! certainly it will give more understanding to people what 50’s are really like.
I enjoyed this article and other posts…thanks for sharing.
I think the reality may be a bit more complex as George Vaillant’t longitudinal work on happiness and ageing has shown. This article from the Atlantic is worth a share (and a read, but it is very long):
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/06/what-makes-us-happy/7439/
I think you summed it up perfectly. I would like to add that by 50 you’ve either lost your parents or know you’re going to lose them soon and are caught up in eldercare issues, you may have lost a few friends to cancer or heart disease by then and it’s freaking depressing. But if you make it through those things, and come out the other side, then you get back your free time and your friends who have survived are probably pretty healthy too and will be around for awhile. And yes, you also are right about enjoying the little things in life, which are actually the big things.
i think we can identify with some/most of this:
we spend our youth awaiting for 16 to drive…
then we await for 21 to go drink in a bar…
then we await our ‘true love’ to get married…
and await the family thing…
and then we await them to bring us grandkids…
and then we await retiring…
why wouldn’t 50+ be better? heck, we are on the
coasting/neutral setting, it better be good!!
Thank you for this honest and delightful look at ages. I am 53 and will pretty much agree that you have nailed the answers here.
Several years ago, in my high school classroom, I overheard some kids reading a “what if” kind of book and supplying their answers. They were really intrigued with deciding what singular fact they’d want to find out ahead of time, if they could magically do so– Who will I marry? Will I achieve my dreams? What unexpected turn will change my life? How many children will I have–and other such things. It hit me like a ton of bricks that, if asked, I would not be able to supply a single such question. I already knew all these-life changing facts – I was married, kids were here, same job 25 years, had realized I would never be Linda Ronstadt, Stephen Sondheim, or Harper Lee. I was what I was, and the only thing I had left to wonder about was HOW I WOULD DIE.
Depressing, for sure, but I was in my late forties at the time. Thank God I’m older now.
Once you face the facts, the age of Fuck It wears rather nicely.
Thanks for putting it out there in black and white!
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