As you all know, I am completely perfect in every way. Moreover (can someone who uses the word moreover be truly perfect? never mind, must not get distracted. again.), my life has been problem-free since I reached the pinnacle of any writer’s career, turning my self-indulgent brilliant and effortless blog into a bestselling book. How […]
For those of you too lazy addled busy to read all the posts on How Not To Act Old, we now offer lessons on video. Directed and shot by Alexa Garbarino on location at Chelsea Square in Upper Montclair, NJ, the How Not To Act Old video stars Noah Levinson — aka The Funniest Kid […]
You and your babysitter, you’re a team, compadres, right? Riiiiiiiight. It may have occurred to you, somewhere in the years you’ve been employing childcare, that your sitter is a lot closer in age to your nine-year-old than she is to you. You may think that you’re both the adults, in league against the kids, but […]
Dear Marge, I realize that, in the 396 public bathrooms I’ve visited in the past week on the road, someone else might have been the culprit. But the fact is, the only one I really suspect is you. I know your mom told you that sitting on the seat of a public toilet could give […]
Now that How Not To Act Old has hit the 50-post mark, there’s too much here for any of us to keep in our heads. Especially me. Therefore, I bring you the Weekend Review, in which I digest (and no, that is not a digestion discussion) the messages of previous posts, for those of you […]
So you think you know it all, do you? Think you’re so on top of everything that you know best what everybody else should be doing, and you won’t hesitate to tell them? I’ve seen this phenomenon before, on the first few seasons of Survivor. It was always the older person who thought they had […]
When old people want to go on vacation to, say, Italy next summer, what do they do? They buy tickets. Book a hotel. Research restaurants and make reservations. They plan, in other words, just like they plan dinner parties for three weeks from Saturday, and buy theatre tickets for Thanksgiving, and make a mammogram appointment […]
Telling otherwise-competent adults to pack an umbrella, wear a sweater, or go to the bathroom before they leave is one big way people act old. It’s as if you can’t stop being the world’s mom, or you’re so highly invested in knowing best that you’ve got to point out the obvious, or you’re so insecure […]
