Confused about whether you’re old or not? Here’s a little quiz to help you find out. If someone says it’s “snowing down south,” they’re trying to tell you: a) A shipment of cocaine has just arrived on the south side of town. b) Alabama is having some hella freaky weather. c) Your slip is showing. […]
In many couples, of whatever age, one person’s the Lucy and the other person is the Ricky. One person is the Homer, and the other person is the Marge. One person is Han Solo, and the other person is Princess Leia. One person acts young, in other words: wacky, fun-loving, charmingly irresponsible. And the other […]
How often do you have sex? Do you have orgasms? Only when you masturbate or during intercourse too? What exactly makes you come? How do you move, what do you think about, how long does it take? What? What’s that you say? That information is too personal? Well, you must be over 40. Which details […]
Like most other Americans last weekend, I went to see The Dark Knight, aka the new Batman movie. Here was my experience of watching the film: Wow, Heath Ledger really does look weird. Scary. And yet strangely…comical. Those wrinkles under that makeup. That lizard tongue. And that voice, that accent, he sounds like someone, I […]
Tat is of course short for tattoo, and the truth is, I do fear them. The neck tattoo is, to me, what shaggy hair and elephant bells and leather jackets were to our parents: A sign of both danger and decay. Show me a neck tattoo, and I’ll show you a pregnant 15-year-old who drinks […]
Admit it: They all swim together, these strangely-named, androgynous-sounding, ethnically-ambiguous young stars of film, television, music, and sports. Is Leighton male, female, or both? Is Cuttino America’s Next Top Model and Feist the frisky young soccer player? Is Jensen a member of a brother band while Dane is embroiled in babymamadrama? Or vice versa, or […]
Having just returned from a 700-mile road trip, I can tell you with certainty that every motorcyclist on the American highway is at least 56 years old. All the biker babes have Nice ‘N’ Easy covering their gray and pot bellies straining against their leather pants. Motorcyclists may think that roaring along on a hog […]
First off, it’s Mary-Kate and Ashley. Secondly, you can too tell them apart. Mary-Kate is a little shorter, skinnier, darker-haired and all-over pointier: that’s her on the right in the photo. And if that still isn’t clear, in breaking news Spencer Pratt told UsWeekly that Mary-Kate is “the less cute twin.” The Olsen twins, for […]
If you’re wondering who Lauren Conrad is, you’re worse off than I thought. Or better off: It might be preferable to live in blissful ignorance of Lauren, Heidi, Audrina, Spencer, and Brody (huh? who?) than to suffer the weekly — nay, daily, hourly — torture of wondering why Lauren et al are famous and when […]
Maybe you faithfully sat in front of the TV every Thursday night (remember those pre-TiVo days?) for Seinfeld‘s entire first run. Maybe you still catch the syndicated shows nearly every night, just like your parents watch The Nightly News and your kids watch The Simpsons. Maybe you’ve gotten the boxed sets as gifts for every […]
