Want to make your kids so embarrassed by you that their faces burst into flames and they attempt to sink right down into the grime-covered floor? Then go to a restaurant with them, spend some time acting like a normal person — you know, ordering a glass of wine, surveying the menu — and then, […]
HNTAO afficionados know that the whole point of this blog is to point out new ways of not acting old. We don’t warn against stereotypical granny behavior — covering your furniture in plastic, sucking on hard candies — because, duh, we all know we’re not supposed to do that, right? Right??? So why are you […]
Sometimes I think the young live in a different world from you and me. Not just, you know, one with lots more sex and lots less confusion over how to turn on the television, but a land where they watch, listen to, and know about people and things hidden to the rest of us. For […]
It was all over for me in 1987 — my youth, that is. At least that’s according to the musical quiz in the Chicago Tribune, which claims to pinpoint the moment you got old by zeroing in on the first year you fail to recognize summer’s biggest pop song. I wouldn’t say not being able […]
My fashionista daughter in Paris forwarded me a link to Advanced Style, a blog on chic into one’s golden years, or silver years, or wizened years, or something. Thanks for thinking of me and HNTAO, sweetie, though I’m not sure whether to be flattered or insulted by the viewpoint of this blog. On the one […]
Yes, John McCain, I’m talking to you. Lest you and Cindy decide that a fifth child would provide, ala Palin, a political advantage, I direct your attention to this new study that shows that children of fathers over 55 are more likely to develop bipolar disorder and other mental illnesses. Maternal age, I hasten to […]
You and your babysitter, you’re a team, compadres, right? Riiiiiiiight. It may have occurred to you, somewhere in the years you’ve been employing childcare, that your sitter is a lot closer in age to your nine-year-old than she is to you. You may think that you’re both the adults, in league against the kids, but […]
Like most other Americans last weekend, I went to see The Dark Knight, aka the new Batman movie. Here was my experience of watching the film: Wow, Heath Ledger really does look weird. Scary. And yet strangely…comical. Those wrinkles under that makeup. That lizard tongue. And that voice, that accent, he sounds like someone, I […]
With more “kids” living longer than ever with their parents, why shouldn’t you, in the interest of acting younger, join the trend? And it’s not only a home you can mooch (or sponge, bum, leech, or scab) off mom and dad, but food, furniture, vacations, clothing, and actual cash money. Catherine Finn, who is a […]
Let’s face it: teenagers are frightening. They sleep till dark, wallow in filth, spend much of their time steeped in electronic violence and pornography, and the rest of their time getting high and squandering your money. They drive too fast, have irresponsible sex, take insanely dangerous risks, and scariest of all, are perversely adept at […]
