In my never-ending quest for world domination to sell more books to make my readers’ lives even more wonderful, may I suggest you join a How Not To Act Old Meetup. If you’ve never heard of a Meetup, well, that’s all the more reason to hurry on down there because it’s a sign you might […]
Okay, I’m sorry, all you young ‘uns reading this post, but there’s no way for me to tell this story correctly except via an old person-style long and convoluted anecdote. But first, to tantalize you about what’s ahead and to keep you interested, I offer the following visual clue: Now that I have your attention, […]
Dear Tide: I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I’ve used it all of my married life, as my mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my forties I find it even better! About a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new […]
Forget your stock market panic, repress your Palin-phobia, and reawaken your lust for life by discovering The Daily Beast, Tina Brown’s big new web site that launched today. What’s so thrilling? Besides being a gorgeous site with an amazing array of talent behind it (hi, Henry; hi, Bonnie), the most heartening aspect of the whole […]
If you still say you’re “surfing” the “net,” you’ve got to stop right now. I said RIGHT NOW! That phrase is just so 2003, or maybe 1998 — I don’t know, all those years pretty much run together. Don’t spend any time in “chat rooms,” either. Or use the word “cyberspace,” except ironically. In fact, […]
Old people behavior of which I am guilty: Holding your phone at arm’s length (so you can read the numbers and letters, natch!) and then typing with your index finger. No no no no. You’ve got to pretend your index finger doesn’t even exist. Forget the middle, ring, and pinky fingers too. The young way […]
You and your babysitter, you’re a team, compadres, right? Riiiiiiiight. It may have occurred to you, somewhere in the years you’ve been employing childcare, that your sitter is a lot closer in age to your nine-year-old than she is to you. You may think that you’re both the adults, in league against the kids, but […]
Leave it to the evil young to get all of us alter kockers addicted to email, and then to abandon the form in favor of texting and facebook. Like waxing, email is proving to be one of the Great Age Divides. Old people can’t figure out why anyone would text, IM, or facebook (wait: is […]
This is a weird one, contributed by my 18-year-old son Joe (see #2). Only old people leave voice mails, says Joe. Young people, accustomed to communicating by cell phone vs. land line, figure that the other person will see their number in missed calls and return the call if they want or need to talk. […]
Old people talk into their cell phones as if the phone was a tin can attached to a string, and the string was so long that the person with their ear pressed to the other tin can was in China. Although cell phones are extremely tiny and not connected to any wires, they’re really more […]
